Forbidden
by Insignificance
Summary: Filia's feelings concerning a certain Mazoku Fruitcake... Fi/Xel warning! Don't read if you don't like!


Forbidden  
By: Silver Star  
  
I never meant to fall in love with you.  
  
But then again, no one really meant to fall in love with   
anyone, did they? Just as Lina never meant to fall in love with   
Gourry, or Zelgadis never meant to fall in love with Amelia.   
But unlike me, they have a chance. Their loved ones at least   
loves them back.   
  
You're a demon, a Mazoku, the Alpha of your pack. And   
you were the one who destroyed thousands of my kind. How   
can I ever love you? And how can you really love me back?  
  
You have no soul, no heart; you're not made to feel   
feelings like love, hope, or maybe even friendship. A simple   
sentence like "Life is wonderful," could reduce your powers   
down to half of the original amount. You thrive on fear, pain,   
and anger. You kill without a second thought, sometimes just   
for the fun of it. After all, you killed thousands of the Golden   
Dragons during the war, and perhaps more humans than we   
can ever count.  
  
I'm one of the Golden Dragons, a priestess of the Golden   
Dragons in fact. I can't love you. I'm forbidden to love even   
one of my own kind, let alone a demon that killed so many of   
us.   
  
I tried to deny it in the beginning. I called you raw   
garbage to hide the feelings I had for you, even to myself. But   
I can't do that any longer. It's all too much for me. I had   
crafted a cup to hold the emotions back and found my   
emotions over flowing, impossible to hold.  
  
Sometimes, I wondered why you hadn't killed me already.   
I certainly was being quite annoying and hostile to you. It's   
not like I can defeat you if you ever decided to kill me. You,   
who had killed thousands of the Gold Dragon with one blast,   
how hard can it be for you to kill a lone Dragon Priestess?   
  
There was once I fancied that you actually did love me, or   
at least liked me, and that was why you spared my life. But I   
no longer hold that illusion anymore. I'm just a plaything at   
the moment for you. Once the thrill of annoying the hell out of   
your enemy is gone, you probably wouldn't hesitate to kill me.   
  
I've been meaning to ask you, why were you following   
Lina? Is it because...because you love her? I certainly can   
understand why. She was, and still is, one of the most   
powerful black sorceresses in the world. She had defeated   
many dark lords, prevailed against unthinkable odds, and yet,   
she was still the happy-go-lucky girl that fires a Dragon Slave   
for the smallest faults.   
  
There was nothing to bar your way; you and her are not   
the bitterest enemies, after all. Perhaps the only thing that   
bars your way to her would be...Gourry. Lina never leaves   
him, and he never leaves her, sometimes I wonder if it's   
possible to separate them at all. They follows each other like   
puppy-dogs, yet, they hide their feelings from each other that   
it's painful to watch.   
  
Do you ever feel pain while watching them, like how it   
hurts me when I watched you? So near, yet so far away...  
  
Even if you do love me, impossible as it is, it simply   
would not work. The Elders would never let me. The Demon   
Race and the Dragon Race had always been enemies. Not one   
day went by without the Dragons cursing the existence of your   
kind.  
  
Perhaps...perhaps I could at least tell you of my feelings?   
And then what? You'd probably laugh in my face and   
embarrass me in front of the others. No, I won't loose my   
pride along with the heart that you took away from me without   
knowing. It's the only thing I had left. I had broken my vows   
to the Fire Dragon God, and nothing will ever restore that. All   
I had left now is my pride and myself.  
  
And I will clutch that pride and held myself high, even as   
I watch my heart being crushed in your hands. I will not loose   
my dignity and give you the chance to gloat in my face as you   
reduced my heart to dust.   
  
No, as long as I live, I will not give in.   



End file.
